Could we have a moment of silence for me?

March 29, 2010 at 1:40 pm Leave a comment

First time in a long time I didn’t wake up and go directly to my computer.Poured a cup of coffee and went outside with the dog. Sat at my imitation park bench and watched the quail peck another pressurized cube of seed into submission.

I thought I was pretty cool because I was reflecting–the thing people do when they’re calm and clear and together. I was none of those things but if someone was driving by and looking at me they’d think I was.

Despite my inability to stop thinking about every other thing but nothing (but nothing is still a thing, so how could you be thinking about nothing but still be thinking about nothing? Maybe it’s that other nothing that isn’t really the nothing that’s something but the nothing that’s a non-thing.) This is what happens when Alan Watts has been sharing your nightstand with a water bottle and tube of Walgreen’s generic Bert’s Bees lip balm for the past year and a half.

So I had this thought that I immediately deemed BIG. Epiphany-flash-of -knowledge BIG. Zen satori BIG.

I thought about all the people who only visit Arizona in the Spring, and I realized that when you only see a place in peak season you have no appreciation for what it is or how it came to be.. And just as you can’t fully appreciate a desert spring without experiencing the monsoon rains and floods and extreme heat of summer, I can’t appreciate myself without embracing everything that formed me-even the really, really scary screwed up parts.

TAH-DAH! Instant life illumination. I’m all better now. Or at least for the half-life of a life-changing BIG thought.

Happy Passover!

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Do what you think is going to kill you I’m so pissed

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