a snack before end of the world

February 28, 2010 at 5:03 pm Leave a comment

Gee, I wonder if my split pea soup will be done before the world ends. I hope so, because it’s a pretty good one, made with the requisite carrots, onion, garlic and four giant  cubos de Knorr Caldo Con Sabor de Pollo. Mexican bouillon cubes can make anything taste great because they contain genuine FAT. Knorr is so proud of that fact they even list it twice as an ingredient: chicken fat AND hydrogenated beef fat. For hydrogen-riffic flavor!

Of course that didn’t make up for the big ol ham hock I was dying to toss in, but didn’t have. A couple of shakes of Bac-Os will do in a pinch.

And plenty of pinches are coming our way.

Quakes, tsunamis, blizzards, floods, droughts, record highs, record lows- they came, they’re coming again, and most of us are going to die, even women who use Strivectin.

Luckily for you, I’m going to share a secret that may one day SAVE YOUR LIFE-considering you want it saved while everyone else melts, freezes or expires in some way involving shrieking and a tectonic or man made catastrophe.

OK-here it is: Split pea soup doesn’t have to simmer for hours! Twenty to thirty minutes, tops, toss it in a blender, it’s ready to go as fuel to outrun the sun’s unfiltered death rays or for a picnic in an underground bunker.

Yep, the very same people who will soon vanish during Deathfest 2010 lied to you. “Honesty is the best policy.” “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” “Generic ketchup is just as good as Heinz.” “Soup has to simmer for hours.” Sometimes just knowing that you’ll be the only one to survive is enough to make you look really, really, cool.

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Desert Bloom Do what you think is going to kill you

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