Desert Bloom

February 21, 2010 at 10:51 am Leave a comment

I’ve decided to stop letting fear run my life-burst open the cocoon, let the larva out and the butterfly fly-wait-if I let the larva out it’ll die unless I put it in a box and feed it lettuce like I did years ago when I opened the Mexican jumping bean and the green worm thing came out. Even that guy died after a week despite my best efforts at mothering . I think I got him to pupa and was terminal. Or chrysalis. Wait-that’s for butterflys. Damn it, I was trying to impress you with my knowledge of the Class Insecta. Forget it. We’ll start again.

So as part of this “live like you’re dying” thing I adopted a few weeks ago I’m trying things I never have before. Like mid-grade gasoline and cheap bologna. Although you can’t do a lot of stuff if you’re really dying and  feel like crap and can’t get out of bed, but I’ll ignore that digression for the moment.

Which leads me to my recent trip with friends on their Ranger. The Ranger is this cool four-wheel drive thing that’s like a miniature Jeep Wrangler, only without windshields. You strap yourself in as if you’re going on one of those roller coasters that costs a fortune to insure, and  toss the entire package into the desert. For hours. I was lucky enough to be in the front seat or I would have thrown up, but it would have been the kind of vomiting that’s worth it.

The best part was when I thought we were going to tip over, slamming the entire weight of the Ranger and four other people into my guts. It was then I had my epiphany. Near death=fun! Actually dying=drag!  This is the way reckless people live and I wanted to be a part of it. If only my DNA wasn’t programmed to steer myself away from danger. That’s the Jewish thing. Everyone wants to kill us so get the hell out.

Well from now on, I’m livin’ my life like a Gentile!

Oh yeah, and the border shared by Arizona and Mexico (now trendily called “The Borderlands” which sounds like somewhere you’d go to check out books and sip latte) sucks. It’s full of garbage and drug runners and people runners and you’d have to be nuts to go into the middle of nowhere without a large group of people and/or a gun. We found this designer duffel just off the trail. Cell phones, walkie-talkies, extra batteries, chargers, and a toothbrush. Nice to know that dental hygiene is a priority for smugglers.

Yep, the places I used to peacefully hike by myself  many years ago are the front lines of a clusterf**k. But you haven’t lived until you’ve seen an empty Mexican Gatorade Bottle up close.

I wonder what flavor this is.

Join me as I take my next death-defying trip. Next up:Trader Joes the day the Fearless Flyer comes out.

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My body, someone else’s self a snack before end of the world

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Roberta Gale

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