The Curious Case of Indomitably Long Movies

May 30, 2009 at 11:56 am Leave a comment

Two hours. That’s it. With special effects, 3D, computer generated graphics, insanely compensated actors and our rapidly shrinking attention span, there’s no reason for any halfway sane person to make a movie any longer than that.

As a self-focused individual who is less than halfway sane, I know better than to get into the movie making biz. I also understand why some movies are way too long: directors who suffer from megalomania, egocentricism, narcissism-a need to make the movie their way even if it would be a better film if half of it ended up on the cutting room floor.

Outsized ego was very carefully applied with calligraphy all over The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which my neighbor gave me yesterday with the caveat that I return it to Blockbuster by Monday. No problem there-I was ready to return it about an hour and forty minutes in-when I realized the movie was a little over half over and I hadn’t even seen Cate Blanchette at all-only the kid who plays here as a young girl. Nor did I get to see the hot Brad Pitt-that guy is only on screen for a very short period. The rest ofthe  time he either looks like the spawn of Yoda and Truman Capote, or a cross between cougar and pedophile bait.

The film was based on a short story by F.Scott Fitzgerald, and that should have been the tipoff. Every time a movie is based on a short story, the screenwriter fleshes it out with so much made up crap that the meaning and wordsmithery* of the lean original becomes bloated.

In the case of C2OB2 (copyrighted acronym for the movie’s title but I forgot how to make the little circle C thing with my keyboard) the screenplay was written by the guy who wrote Forrest Gump. But where Gump was tolerable because the story of his life paralleled a historic timeline, C2OB2 shows a not-so-interesting guy’s life over the course of a century and feels like sitting next to a disliked 90-year-old relative at dinner out of familial obligation.

This woman’s nails were bitten to the quick when she sat down to see C20B2

Yesterday I went to a graduation party for a friend’s daughter. I asked a few people if they liked the movie-not because I care whether “it’s just me” or not, but so I’ll know who I can’t have a meaningful conversation with.

One lady said she loved it and watched it five times because she’s a psychic and it confirms her belief that we have all lived before. Then she gave her me card. It had stars and moons and pink hearts with the designation “psychic” after her name. I could probably get a hold of her purse and add an “ot” in between the “h” and the “ic” Then it would read “psychotic” instead of “psychic.” I’m just such an imp! Is this another digression? Sorry, but my ADD is protected in this blog under the ADA.

I was going to end this with “If she was really a psychic, isn’t she also a masochist, because she watched the movie five times knowing how excruciatingly long it is?” thinking I was cleverly wrapping up this post, but  then I realized how stupid that line was, because if she liked the movie, even if she knew how long it was going to be, she wasn’t being a masochist.

I have to get out of here now. I’m going to TJ Maxx to find the heavily-discounted Born sandals my friend had on at the party yesterday. If I was a psychic I would know whether they have any left in my size and save myself a trip.

*may or may not be a word. Too lazy to check it out and I like the way it reads, anyway.

Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

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Roberta Gale

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